


I've been callin' you "friend" , I might need to give it up

by Wenimira



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, Tokyo Ghoul:re
Genre: :re, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-02 18:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5259602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wenimira/pseuds/Wenimira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it's selfish, maybe quite the opposite, but it's nothing out of the ordinary for a waitress to strike up a conversation with a client.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. If I meet you in the middle maybe we could agree

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Teracia](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Teracia).



> First fanfiction to be published and in a foreign language, too. Let's see how it goes. Comments would be great. 
> 
> Titles from The Neighborhood's song 'The Beach'.

There's this moment when you're waking up and only partially aware of your surroundings, when the world is made of sounds and temperature. Sometimes it even enters your dreams and suddenly the vision's interrupted by cold that's flowing through an open window or your favorite band's new song you set as alarm clock on your phone. Sometimes you wake up immediately, sometimes you're caught in between. It lasts only a moment.

The couch wasn't suited for sleeping. Short slumber born from after hours in the cafe and last night spend outside left her neck aching, but with waking up came the memory that there was actually something she had been doing. She was cold, even though she wasn't before. Getting up, she remembered making herself coffee - unbelievable that everyday's work in a coffee shop didn't make her dislike it - but now it was cold and bitter. It was already dark and the tiny flat seemed more lonely than usual. She could feel the smell(odor) of the neighbors' dinner and hear steps and voices all around the building. What was it like in there? She could hear and smell what these people did, but the emotions felt by them escaped the most sensitive of senses. The dinner they're having, the family on the upper floor, it must be delicious to them.

Suddenly desperate for air, she opened the kitchen's window and let cars, trains and traffic fill her home instead of other people's happy Friday evening appearing in the place of the absent. Sleeping during the day and waking up to one's loneliness and cold - she never sleeps well without a blanket, day or night - it was simply not going to do. Tomorrow will be the same as usual.

*** 

It wasn't a busy day. It was as if rainy weather made people realize there wasn't time to stop at a cafe, pop in the cosy room with all the tables and chairs and the sound of the coffee machine. It was just as well, though. Yomo left before already, said he'd be out the whole week, and their only other worker, a tall girl just out of high school, didn't work on the weekends. Compared to Anteiku, :re was a quiet place, with the current aura filling it with humidity, not voices. A lazy day. 

It was only two or three o'clock when he showed up. Normally, he'd come later, just before the shop closed. 'Was he not working today?' she wondered. Unusual, for him to come alone, too. Thanks to Haise Sasaki :re had seen far more CCG's investigators than it should. Come to think of it, there was more human customers than ghouls lately, who would just stop by for their 'packages' and a coffee. The almost domestic atmosphere of the original shop has seemingly permanently disappeared along with it and now :re remained solely a replacement. Still, there was something refreshing in their visits ever since Sasaki first appeared. Among the other Doves - his coworkers, now, she reminded herself - a familiar voice, face, person stood out even more. The uneasiness, when they casually placed the unmistakable silver suitcases under the tables - it all combined into a sweet and sour feeling. But this time, he was alone and she watched him hang his coat on the rack, the fabric glistening with water. Their eyes met then and she found herself walking up to his table, though she knew what he'll order. 

She watched him leave an hour later, when the sky cleared a little and sun appeared, giving the illusion of warmth. Everything was on its place, with Sasaki at the table and her at the bar, the routine settled down long before he came the first time. It was like when the story first began, she remembered, back then four years ago. They've come full circle. The sun shined suddenly and brightly through the café's windows and she was reminded of Anteiku. They were strangers again, a client and a waitress. Yet Touka knew his customs as well as her own, always ready to reassume the act of not knowing. It was what she decided to do. A wait, really, but how could one not wonder if it would ever end, if this balance be broken? Because there they were, suspended in the balance of strangeness. 

He didn't bring his coat the next time he came. All the rain has left was the impossible humidity, so usual for mid July. The characteristic overcoats that gave. investigators the 'Doves' nickname became unnecessary with the air so hot it almost clung to the skin. Touka hesitantly joined Sasaki where he stood before one of :re's bookcases, facing nothing else but a complete collection of Takatsuki Sen's novels. 'Should she talk to him, or rather, could she? Now, it wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary for a waitress to strike up a conversation?' 

And so she talked, inquiring about books and work and weather. Sometimes she leaned through the counter, speaking loudly to him in the buzz of the cafe, sometimes she placed two cups on his table and they sat together. The most trivial of things became a perfect opportunity for her just to study his face and manner. Maybe that's how they would talk if they didn't meet that forgotten evening over two corpses. But now their eyes weren't black and red kakugans.

"I was meaning to ask you, Sasaki, don't you work now?" , she asked one of these sunny days. :re's big antique clock has just struck midday.  
"Ah, I suppose I would, normally." , Sasaki answered, tilting his head and focusing his eyes on the steaming cup of coffee she just put on the table. "But lately I've got more, um, free time."  
"And you never come with the others anymore, too." she observed  
"The Quinx? I told you about them-"  
"Many times."  
"Well, they've been assigned to someone else now, partially, at least, so now I don't have that much to do..." 

***

Touka saw his demeanor change whenever she brought the subject on. He seemed lonely without his subordinates, and the more time had passed the more resistant Sasaki was to mention them, or his work at all. Before she realized, he was at :re everyday, and suddenly he was not quite coming just for a coffee, but rather to see her. She was uncertain and self-conscious about it. After all, it was her who had the full view on the situation. For all the things Sasaki didn't want to tell her, she was painfully aware that the smallest misstep on his part would mean inevitable action from his superiors. Touka cautiously navigated through ghoul related topics, desperately keeping up the facade of an innocent, friendly waitress oblivious to her friend's indentity. It would be no good for her to slip in in front of him. Only ghouls called the CCG names and she wasn't allowed to show any resentment towards the organization. It was mesmerizing, yet scary to finally see him like this, sometimes celebrate his smile that was somehow washed clean of the shyness she knew before. She knew her own expressions lost any trace of casualty. She couldn't help herself not admire the way he obviously brightened when she came up to his table, but somehow knew that the feeling was mutual. 

Sasaki wouldn't talk about the CGG, but he - they - were noticed in :re. Touka was soon sick and tired of Nishiki's banter, although as time passed it was ridiculous to simply shrug off his comments. She could smile and laugh, tell him what Sasaki told her that day, it wasn't as if Nishiki would not be interested in it, but she understood his fears pilling up under the playful teasing. Now Haise Sasaki should be an investigator to them before he could be anyone else. He didn't need them, yet. Now that they were... friends, she would know when he does. That had to be enough. Except Nishiki was not the only one having doubts, Touka herself had plenty of them. She had a reason coming up to him on that hot day, chatting about books she'd read solely because Kaneki loved them so much. She saw something was off about him right there, but now reaching out to him seemed less and less safe.


	2. You make me feel little how you're looking at me

It was ridiculously easy to proclaim she was acting in his best interest when she knew nothing of Haise Sasaki. Once she had gotten involved, there wasn't any turning back. Now they were walking a thin line, but some part of her just wouldn't acknowledge it. She caught herself thinking she used to be wrong, she should have helped him as soon as he'd come back. She was enjoying it and carefully pushing unnecessary thoughts out of her mind as long as she could. It's an instinctual reaction after all, to reach out when someone you care about seems under the weather. She cared too much, she forgot herself. He was dear to her and that's why she stayed away, so he could be dear to somebody else, too. It didn't matter that somebody else would kill her without batting an eye. It meant a little less they'd kill him just as easily, because, obviously, everything was fine with him and waiting was the best choice. "I'd see, I'd notice first thing when he's upset, even if he's upset about the weather or, or a case going slowly..." She promised them both that. Now that she did notice, she allowed things to get out of control. She felt like a moth, being drawn to a fire that would so surely burn her. It would flicker on its own, if she came too close, it would be put out. Touka was surprised to find herself think along these lines, she never thought of herself as someone prone to overusing such romantic metaphors. She remembered how Kaneki would, though, elaborately complain about various trivialities. Now she was reminded of Kaneki everyday, she was with him everyday. Haise was equally hopeless with his puns. 

Some thoughts were too persistent to ignore. She could predict it so very clearly, how they would fall ultimately. Her imagination filled with these fears, taking shapes of silver suitcases and making her remember the helicopter's loud buzz. Would they make her into a suitcase? Given the situation, they would probably make two brand new quinques out of both of them. Suddenly she cared way too much. Suddenly it wasn't Haise coming every day, it was them talking everyday. It was already fall and they would go out once or twice a week and that would be completely normal. They would go for a stroll and end up places. Touka wondered how intentional it was on his part, when they passed where Anteiku was third time this month, or even her old apartment, or Kamii. There were days she was sure he knew, the other time she would be convinced she knows this person for less than a year. 

***

It wasn't going to end well, two of them so close. She was his friend, as she used to be, or maybe they were even closer now? There were too many misunderstandings, things left unsaid and only mentioned in fleeting glances, not words. It was dangerous to mention them, touch the topic of ghouls and the like. But she worked hard not to tip this new balance. In the end, though, it turns out she wasn't alone with this dilemma.

"Nice shop you got here, Touka. Kinda brings you back, I think. To Anteiku."

That's what he said. His smile wasn't as wide as it used to be, but the natural way Hide put people on ease didn't change one bit. Haven't she last seen him more than three years ago, this sincere grin would work on her now too. She assumed Hide was... well, simply gone. That he probably moved out, or something, that he let go in a way she would never be able to. He was a human after all, it was for the better that he didn't get involved. Safer. 

"Hide! What on earth are you doing here?!"  
"Whoa, I'm a regular customer! I missed your pretty face." he exclaimed, casually taking off his coat. It was already fall.  
"And that's all you have to say?! Damn, is that a CCG uniform?"  
"That's a long story and since when does that put you off, anyway." Hide smirked "Last time I checked, you're getting on like a house on fire with the investigators. Or some of them, at least."  
Then she slapped him.  
"You! You left-"  
"Ouch! Don't kill me! Sorry, alright? Just trust me on this one. It's... A little bit more complicated than you think."

She practically dragged him to the back of the store. No need to make a fuss in front of the clients. She looked at him closely, firmly closing the door behind them and turning on the light. Suddenly she knew Hide knew - about her, and Anteiku, and Kaneki, of course. He must have known for a long time, and yet had the audacity to just stand there, with this smile not coming off his face. She shoved him against one of the shelves that filled the room. Hide was still smiling and Touka decided someone would probably notice if he never left the backroom. But if she's not dead yet... It was Hide after all. Instead she wondered what he knows about Haise Sasaki.

"Look, I know what you think. I know I should've come earlier-"  
"Goddamn right! Do you even know about" about what, now. That Kaneki doesn't even know his own name? No, no, that he's got a new one? Fucking CCG.  
"About Kaneki" she finished shakily.  
"Yeah. I know." he said, adjusting his coat when she let him go. "That's kind of why I came here."  
"So you're with the CCG. And you just... Left him there?!"  
"Haise's not alone-"  
"Yeah, plenty of friendly Doves watching his every step! You left him alone!"  
"I did what I could to save Kaneki! And I did! I did everything I could-" he snapped. His face changed slightly and he touched his shoulder almost unconsciously, "So don't fucking go and tell me I don't care. He's happy."  
"And you're fine with him not remembering you?"  
"And are you? He's safe, he's alive, isn't that what you want? There was no other way, Arima would kill him!"  
"You... Alright. I, I wasn't there. Maybe you're right." in the end she wasn't blaming Hide for Kaneki's situation. She has long since gotten over this, if there was anything to get over - after all, there was a time when they believed Kaneki really was dead, in every way possible.  
"Why have you come here today, Hide? I won't trigger Haise's memories if that's what you're afraid of."

He didn't look at her, but a smile slowly appeared on his face.

"I want you to."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, this part is a good deal shorter than I'd like it to be, but I'd hate to leave it hanging without an update any longer. That said, I can't say when the next one will be done. (Hopefully it will be be the last one. It was all meant to be a oneshot and I don't know how it will all look together in the end. Ups.)


End file.
